Alcohol Quotes
447 quotes
"Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT."Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them."
"There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers."
"We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail."
"I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was."
"I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit?"
"I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless."
"I drank so much booze I was bamboozled. Alcohol makes my mind as discombobulated as love makes my heart. I’d sure appreciate it if you poured me a large glass of romance."
"Drinking is fun! It makes me feel horrible and sexy!"
"Snow is not microwave friendly. In fact, snow is not too friendly at all, unless you first buy it a few beers. Then it’s just downright slutty."
"As the ice melted, we fell in love—slowly. I just wish the ice were in two glasses of vodka, and not surrounding our bodies."
"Love burns. Whiskey burns. George Burns. What do all three have in common? They’re all dead to me."
"I ordered a beer and then I ordered another beer, because why finish one when I can finish two? Having only one is great for love, but bad for beer."
"She brews a bruise on my heart, and drinks it like a beer. She calls it love, but she would, because she’s drunk on my torment."
"I used the boos, and not the booze, as motivation. That led to applause, which I drank up like an alcoholic. I need a refill."
"I can hold my alcohol, just like I’m a wine bottle. I dance as fluid as glass, and my heart shatters just as easily."
"The naked truth is anything but naked. But it will be soon enough, if I keep giving it alcohol."
"I just invented a device that eliminates vice. It looks like a bottle of booze, only it’s empty, because I just drank it."
"When I die, remember to remove my body from the cooler before you start making the hunch punch. But by all means, do get drunk on my memory."
"At church, during communion, they give out free wine. Whoa! Talk about a great place to drink and meet women."
"Too many abused beers have suffered in the name of networking. Let us find a better way to mix torture and business."
"I love you the way ice melts in vodka—slowly, seamlessly, and invisibly. It’s a feel-good feeling whether you see it or not."
"I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink."
"She likes her wine white, and that’s how I like my clam chowder. So chuggable!"
"To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems"
"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat."
"I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels."
"[I]t is the wine that leads me on,the wild winethat sets the wisest man to singat the top of his lungs,laugh like a fool – it drives theman to dancing... it eventempts him to blurt out storiesbetter never told."
"Vodka in the shape of a human body would be an excellent dancing partner. I'm a bring my own chaser kind of lover."
"...and you drink a little too much and try a little too hard. And you go home to a cold bed and think, 'That was fine'. And your life is a long line of fine."
"I'm sober. Yessiree, I quit drinking. I haven't had a beer in four hours. Now I just need some coffee and to get drunk on love poetry."
"There was a tacit understanding between them that 'liquor helped'; growing more miserable with every glass one hoped for the moment of relief."
"Drunken men give some of the best pep talks."
"Cheap booze is a false economy."
"Sex parties, alcohol and drugs lost their appeal to Sven after a while. Music never did, in his continual search for that sober connection--intimacy with one person over a long period of time, as opposed to periods of intimacy with a bunch of random faces."
"My mind may be sober, but my confidence is high!"
"It is sad that people need alcohol to make them happy."
"They call alcohol spirits, because it’s the spirit turned liquid. Would you drink my soul if you knew I’d use it to get inside of you? After all, most men buy women alcohol so they can get inside them too."
"In that college town, everyone went out with at least a little alcohol in their system. I wasn’t an alcoholic, but drinking alcohol always helped me with being more confident and sociable. On weekend nights, I took a few shots from my vodka bottle and set out on walks around the town, desperately hoping that I would stumble across some opportunity to make friends. I often ended up sitting alone at some café, hoping girls would talk to me before I sobered up. No girl ever did. I then went back home to lie in my bed alone."
"Issues are like tissues. You pull one out and another appears!"
"Wine is the most healthful and most hygienic of beverages."
"An over-indulgence of anything, even something as pure as water, can intoxicate."
"What is your advice to young writers?” “Drink, fuck and smoke plenty of cigarettes."
"Smoking’s banned in my house. Cigarettes harm your body,” he said, knocking back half of the bottle of beer."
"If I could bottle this exact feeling I have right now, and sell it, I'd make millions." I said to Chet"Well, unfortunately for you, but luckily for every other adult, someone already has. They called it alcohol."
"What is this thing you call substance abuse? All I wanna do is forget and get loose.Drinking and smoking over and overWhat's so great about a life that's sober?There's nothing cool about being youngWhen the monsters of night have stolen the sun.I'm tired of searching for words in the sky.All I wanna do is drink and die. Nothing is real. It's all a big lie. All I wanna do is drink and die. There's nothing cool about being youngWhen the monsters of night have stolen the sun."
"There are worse ways to die than warm and drunk."
"By drinking, a boy acts like a man. After drinking, many a man acts like a boy."
"Hunger gives flavour to the food."
"All worries are less with wine."
"Some people when they see cheese, chocolate or cake they don't think of calories."
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