Wit Quotes
380 quotes
"Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs."
"I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it shorter."(Letter 16, 1657)"
"Your fantasies define you, so dream carefully. A man with no imagination is a man with no future in today’s world—and no past in tomorrow’s."
"I dance so fluid you’d think I’m a fish. I don’t need to drink to be able to dance—I am the drink. Have a sip and find out for yourself."
"A gumble bee is half gum ball, half bumble bee, and it’s so chewy it stings. Makes me want to be a better lover and tractor salesman."
"A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it."
"A poet should be so crafty with words that he is envied even for his pains."
"She bats her eyelashes like I’m throwing baseballs at them. I must be as romantic as Pete Rose’s last name."
"Digression is the soul of wit. Take the philosophic asides away from Dante, Milton or Hamlet's father's ghost and what stays is dry bones."
"I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know."
"If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for."
"Intelligence is more important than strength, that is why earth is ruled by men and not by animals."
"Don't explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin."
"He drew a circle that shut me out-Heretic , rebel, a thing to flout.But love and I had the wit to win:We drew a circle and took him In !From the poem " Outwitted"
"At last a lifetime ambition of mine to become a pimp was satisfied."
"If you change who you are to suit other people, you may end up dressed for the wrong occasion"
"I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it shorter.", 1657)"
"They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," Valkyrie said. China glanced at her. "They've obviously never met me."
"Now what happens?" asked the man in black. "We face each other as God intended," Fezzik said. "No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.""You mean you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people, is that it?"
"There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.", Summer 1956]"
"Do you like to slide?" His voice was eager.Stair rails! Did he suspect me? I forced a sigh. "No, Majesty. I'm terrified of heights.""Oh." His polite tone had returned."I wish I could enjoy it. This fear of heights is an affliction."He nodded, a show of sympathy but not much interest. I was losing him."Especially," I added, "as I've grown taller."
"Ack!" I said.Fearless master of the witty dialogue, that's me."
"Yeah you can have a word," said Harry savagely. "Good-bye."
"Give the People what they want - and they'll get what they deserve."
"When you are angry try your best to go to sleep, it keeps you away from speaking, writing and thinking while you are angry."
"When men have come to the edge of a precipice, it is the lover of life who has the spirit to leap backwards, and only the pessimist who continues to believe in progress."
"He had had much experience of physicians, and said 'the only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not'."
Mark Twain, Following the Equator: A Journey Around the World
"Vivid simplicity is the articulation, the nature of genius. Wisdom is greater than intelligence; intelligence is greater than philosobabble."
"You can con God and get away with it, Granny said, if you do so with charm and wit. If you live your life with imagination and verve, God will play along just to see what outrageously entertaining thing you'll do next."
"Snobbery might sometimes look cool, like smoking, but the end result is usually a repelling one."
"Art is art. You can take it or leave it. Liking it or not liking it does not make you a better person, and who you like or dislike results in the same thing."
"Fail soon so that you can succeed sooner."
"Today it is cheaper to start a business than tomorrow."
"A farmer is a magician who produces money from the mud."
"To a farmer dirt is not a waste, it is wealth."
"If the farmer is rich, then so is the nation."
"Networking isn't how many people you know, it's how many people know you."
"An entrepreneur with strong network makes money even when he is asleep."
"He wasn't aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn't smile he didn't look amiable"
"... fantasy is not practice for what is real—fantasy is the opiate of women."
"There is never a guarantee of survival, no matter your strength or skill or wit. There is only the day you are conceived and the day you die, and all else is a series of moments you either embrace or endure."
"Seeing the mud around a lotus is pessimism, seeing a lotus in the mud is optimism."
"Making a product is just an activity, making a profit on a product is the achievement."
"If you can't impress them with your argument, impress them with your actions."
"Politeness is the first thing people lose once they get the power."
"With discipline, you can lose weight, you can excel in work, you can win the war."
"Anger gets you into trouble, ego keeps you in trouble."
"Arrogant men with knowledge make more noise from their mouth than making a sense from their mind."
"Respect cannot be inherited, respect is the result of right actions."
"No tricks, no tools, but talent makes a task truly top class."
Showing 50 of 380 quotes