Dorothy Parker
95 quotes
Biography
Dorothy Parker was an American poet, literary critic and writer of fiction. Based in New York, she was known for her caustic wisecracks, and eye for 20th-century urban foibles.
"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone."
"By the time you swear you're his,Shivering and sighing.And he vows his passion is,Infinite, undying.Lady make note of this --One of you is lying."
"RésuméRazors pain you,Rivers are damp,Acids stain you,And drugs cause cramp.Guns aren't lawful,Nooses give,Gas smells awful.You might as well live."
"In youth, it was a way I had,To do my best to please.And change, with every passing ladTo suit his theories.But now I know the things I knowAnd do the things I do,And if you do not like me so,To hell, my love, with you."
"Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common."
"I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it."
"Don't look at me in that tone of voice."
"I hate writing, I love having written."
"I like to have a martini,Two at the very most.After three I'm under the table,after four I'm under my host."
"Inventory:"Four be the things I am wiser to know:Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.Four be the things I'd been better without:Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.Three be the things I shall never attain:Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.Three be the things I shall have till I die:Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye."
"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment."
"I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid."
"That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them."
"And if my heart be scarred and burned,The safer, I, for all I learned."
"Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both."
"I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I'll call him up. You don't have to give me strength, God; I have it myself. If he wanted me, he could get me. He knows where I am. He knows I'm waiting here. He's so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you."
"If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy."
"There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words."[Interview, The Paris Review, Summer 1956]"
"It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard."
"Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne."
"The sun's gone dim, and the moon's gone black. For I loved him, and he didn't love back."
"If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised."
"I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours."
"You can't teach an old dogma new tricks."
"If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks that cause me pains :)"