Birthday Quotes

"Seventeen, eh!"said Hagrid as he accepted a bucket-sized glass of wine from Fred."Six years to the day we met, Harry, d’yeh remember it?""Vaguely,"said Harry, grinning up at him. "Didn’t you smash down the front door, give Dudley a pig’s tail, and tell me I was a wizard?""I forge’ the details,"Hagrid chortled."

J.K. Rowling

"Romance novels are birthday cake and life is often peanut butter and jelly. I think everyone should have lots of delicious romance novels lying around for those times when the peanut butter of life gets stuck to the roof of your mouth."

Janet Evanovich

"My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk."

Jarod Kintz

"As long as I am breathing, in my eyes, I am just beginning."

Criss Jami

"It doesn’t take a hurricane to blow out a birthday candle. Let this be a lesson in love—and cake etiquette."

Jarod Kintz

"A nugget of wisdom is more valuable than a nugget of gold—and considerably harder to pan out of a river. I’ll be 33 in March, and all I’ve found so far is fool’s gold. Still, I was able to trade it for political favors."

Jarod Kintz

"I don’t remember my birth. I guess I got dementia at a young age."

Jarod Kintz

"I’m an only child, and therefore I gave birth to my parents, because if it weren’t for me, they wouldn’t even be parents."

Jarod Kintz

"The best birthday present I ever got from my grandpa was a skinny black tie. It didn’t come in a bag, a box, or even rolled up in tissue paper. It came wrapped in wisdom. As soon as he gave it to me he said, “A tie would make a stronger impression on your boss if you used it as a blindfold and kidnapped him. That‘s why I bought you a black one."

Jarod Kintz

"Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday."

Jarod Kintz

"My birthday is on a holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me."

Jarod Kintz

"For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, just like you’ll soon be."

Jarod Kintz

"Birthdays could be such a bummer when you were older than the country you lived in."

Lynsay Sands

"I wrapped your birthday present in carpet, because I bought you a floor. It’s so you have something other than me to walk all over."

Jarod Kintz

"We had a blast at my magical birthday party. There were midgets, fairies, glass slippers, and I actually got to ride in a pumpkin."

Jarod Kintz

"On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones."

Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy started because of a thumb's up I gave to Douglas Adams on his birthday as I said, "Happy 42."#OutBoastKanye"

Jarod Kintz

"My girlfriend just bought me a portable toaster. And my birthday’s coming up, so I’m half expecting her to buy me a portable bathtub to go along with it."

Jarod Kintz

"One thought I think every person eventually thinks is, “Holy shit, I’m going to die!” Sorry, I just turned thirty yesterday, so my mortality is on my mind."

Jarod Kintz

"Jarod Kintz Day—it’s not just my birthday, but it should be a holiday that’s mandatory to celebrate, punishable by death if you don’t. It’ll be a holiday that honors freedom."

Jarod Kintz

"A birth-date is a reminder to celebrate the life as well as to update the life."

Amit Kalantri

"The cake had a trick candle that wouldn't go out, so I didn't get my wish. Which was just that it would always be like this, that my life could be a party just for me."

Janet Fitch

"We can live forever even with an impactful shorter-life."

Aniekee Tochukwu Ezekiel

"Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new."

Sammy Hagar

"Thirty was so strange for me. I've really had to come to terms with the fact that I am now a walking and talking adult."

C. S. Lewis

"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?"

Satchel Paige

"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"

Steven Wright

"Presents don't really mean much to me. I don't want to sound mawkish, but - it was the realization that I have a great many people in my life who really love me, and who I really love."

Gabriel Byrne

"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'"

Jerry Seinfeld

"A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer."

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

"For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out."

Steven Wright

"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."

Bob Hope

"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday."

Erma Bombeck

"I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake."

Mitch Hedberg

"The way I see it, you should live everyday like its your birthday."

Paris Hilton

"There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents, and only one for birthday presents, you know."

Lewis Carroll

"The only thing better than singing is more singing."

Ella Fitzgerald

"It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'"

Sam Levenson

"To me - old age is always ten years older than I am."

John Burroughs

"Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words."

Plautus

"About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilities. They are communism at its best. Everybody has a birthday and almost everybody has a palm."

Kurt Vonnegut

"We have to be able to grow up. Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life. They are what we have been through and who we want to be."

Lauren Hutton

"The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape."

Samuel Johnson

"If you look over the years, the styles have changed - the clothes, the hair, the production, the approach to the songs. The icing to the cake has changed flavors. But if you really look at the cake itself, it's really the same."

John Oates

"A gift, with a kind countenance, is a double present."

Thomas Fuller

"Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time."

Jean Paul

"Like many women my age, I am 28 years old."

Mary Schmich

"I'm not materialistic. I believe in presents from the heart, like a drawing that a child does."

Victoria Beckham

"Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time."

Doug Coupland

"New Year's Day is every man's birthday."

Charles Lamb

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Birthday Quotes | QOTD