“When the war kicks off in Iran, I will be there. People ask me "Whose side are you going to fight on?" To these people I say "Fight? I'm not going to fight! I'm going to entertain!" Because let's face it, when they see my comedy, they won't have the will to fight. When the American and Iranian troops see the comedy of Omid Djalili, they won't have the will to live!”
Omid Djalili
More by Omid Djalili

“What do you call an honest Iranian businessman? Asif.”

Omid Djalili

“Its part of a comedy cultural exchange tour: tonight, I am doing the UK and Jim Davidson is being buggered in Baghdad right now, systematically and without cessation, by United States Troops! Such fun...”

Omid Djalili

“Semtex... with nowt taken out!”

Omid Djalili

“A Persian Cat! Not an Iranian cat, no: an Iranian cat has a bomb under the body warmer!”

Omid Djalili

“I am the only Iranian comedian in the world... and that's three more than Germany!”

Omid Djalili