“Its part of a comedy cultural exchange tour: tonight, I am doing the UK and Jim Davidson is being buggered in Baghdad right now, systematically and without cessation, by United States Troops! Such fun.”
Omid Djalili
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“What do you call an honest Iranian businessman? Asif.”

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“Semtex... with nowt taken out!”

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“A Persian Cat! Not an Iranian cat, no: an Iranian cat has a bomb under the body warmer!”

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“I am the only Iranian comedian in the world... and that's three more than Germany!”

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“YOU BASTARD! Come to my carpet shop.”

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