“What do you call an honest Iranian businessman? Asif.”

Omid Djalili

“Its part of a comedy cultural exchange tour: tonight, I am doing the UK and Jim Davidson is being buggered in Baghdad right now, systematically and without cessation, by United States Troops! Such fun...”

Omid Djalili

“A Persian Cat! Not an Iranian cat, no: an Iranian cat has a bomb under the body warmer!”

Omid Djalili

“I am the only Iranian comedian in the world... and that's three more than Germany!”

Omid Djalili

“YOU BASTARD! Come to my carpet shop.”

Omid Djalili