“What do you call an honest Iranian businessman? Asif.”

Omid Djalili

“Its part of a comedy cultural exchange tour: tonight, I am doing the UK and Jim Davidson is being buggered in Baghdad right now, systematically and without cessation, by United States Troops! Such fun...”

Omid Djalili

“Semtex... with nowt taken out!”

Omid Djalili

“A Persian Cat! Not an Iranian cat, no: an Iranian cat has a bomb under the body warmer!”

Omid Djalili

“YOU BASTARD! Come to my carpet shop.”

Omid Djalili