“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

George Carlin

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”

George Carlin

“Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”

George Carlin

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

George Carlin

“That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

George Carlin