“Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.”

Chelsea Handler

“There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.”

Chelsea Handler

“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”

Chelsea Handler

“Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned af...”

Chelsea Handler

“My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a p...”

Chelsea Handler