“Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.”

W. C. Fields

“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”

W. C. Fields

“Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.”

W. C. Fields

“Never give a sucker an even break.”

W. C. Fields

“She's all dressed up like a well-kept grave.”

W. C. Fields