"No rain, he tells me. No rain, he says. No rain! Fucking weather man!"
"[screams and curses in Spanish] My hairs! Not my hairs!"
"[after kissing Proclo] Oh, my boyfriend Hectar see me do that, he kill you with a knife this big! [touches her elbow]"
"Some day, you're going to see the name of Googie Gomez in lights and you're going to say to yourself [gasps] was that her? And you're gonna answer to yourself, [gasps] that was her! But you know something, mister? I was always her, just that nobody knows it!"
"Plastic Puerto Ricans!"
"Who the hell was that?!"
"[amazed] Ronald Reagan?!"
"Do I look like someone who would try to pass a bad check? Yeah? Yeah, of course I do!"
"Chubby chaser. Hey, that's pretty funny. Unless you happen to be the chubby they're chasing."
"Jelly roll, baby! You're my jelly roll man!"
"If you're not down in my room in five minutes, then I'm gonna come up here and break your knees!"
"It's like some strange heterosexual gypsy curse was put on this place!"
"There will be an orgy beginning in room 340 in exactly 4 minutes! Orgy in 340, 4 minutes!"
"Customer: Did they ever put you on 4? It's Siberia up there!"
"Tiger: Alright, fat man, leave the little guy alone! What do you think this is, a YMCA?"
"Brick: One of those transvestites is standing right next to me. I can't talk now, I think he's surrounding me for unnatural things! And: See anything you like, Bud?"
"Man in Elevator: There's a reason some of us don't ride the subway. I'm looking right at it."
"Abe: We've got a nightclub, movies, swimming pool, steam room, massage table, discotheque, bridge, amateur night, and free blood tests every Wednesday."
"The funny season begins when you check in for a night at The Ritz."
"Hiding out from the Mafia can be an awful drag!"
"...your key to hilarity."
"F. Murray Abraham - Chris"
"Paul B. Price - Claude Perkins"