Steve Martin
27 quotes
Biography
Stephen Glenn Martin is an American comedian, actor, writer, producer, and musician. Known for his work in comedy films, television, and recording, he has received many accolades, including five Grammy Awards, a Primetime Emmy Award, and a Screen Actors Guild Award as well as nominations for eight Golden Globe Awards and two Tony Awards.
"Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way."
"I did stand-up comedy for 18 years. Ten of those years were spent learning, four years were spent refining, and four years were spent in wild success. I was seeking comic originality, and fame fell on me as a byproduct. The course was more plodding than heroic."
"Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything."
"Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent."
"Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol."
"I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot."
"You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither."
"I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them."
"Be so good they can't ignore you."
"I understood that as much as I had resisted the outside, as much as I had constricted my life, as much as I had closed and narrowed the channels into me, there were still many takers for the quiet heart."
"I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't."
"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper."
"It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary...but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch."
"Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes."
"He gave her his phone number, in a peculiar reversal of dating procedure. She might have considered kissing him, even after the horrible first date, but he just didn’t seem to know what to do. However, Jeremy does have one outstanding quality. He likes her. And this quality in a person makes them infinitely interesting to the person who is being liked."
"The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need. My name in print. That really makes somebody. Things are going to start happening to me now!"
"You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again."
"A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true."
"Why is it we don't always recognize the moment when love begins, but we always know when it ends?"
"Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman — it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal's out of town."
"I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87."
"It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it — The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo."
"People come up to me and say "Steve, what is film editing?" And I say "How should I know? You're the director.""
"You know, a lot of people come to me and they say: "Steve, how can you be so fucking funny?" There's a secret to it, it's no big deal. Before I go out, I put a slice of bologna in each of my shoes. So when I'm on stage, I feel funny."
"Now let's repeat the non-conformists' oath: I promise to be different! [audience repeats] I promise to be unique! [audience repeats] I promise not to repeat things other people say! [audience repeats, laughs] Good!"