"Song of the Open Road:<BR>I think that I shall never see<BR>a billboard lovely as a tree.<BR>Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,<BR>I'll never see a tree at all."
"Happiness is having a scratch for every itch."
"An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks."
"If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work."
"Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny -- Did you ever try buying them without money?"
"Celery, raw,<BR>Develops the jaw,<BR>But celery, stewed,<BR>Is more easily chewed."
"Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny: Did you ever try buying them without money?"
"Parsley is gharsley."
"Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them."
"Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long."
"Family: A unit composed not only of children, but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold."
"Too clever is dumb."
"Samson Agonistes:<BR>I test my bath before I sit,<BR>And I'm always moved to wonderment<BR>That what chills the finger not a bit<BR>Is so frigid upon the fundament."
"To keep your marriage brimming,<BR>With love in the loving cup,<BR>Whenever you're wrong, admit it;<BR>Whenever you're right, shut up."
"A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of."
"Happiness is having a scratch for every itch."
"People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it."
"Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them."
"Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else."
"There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all."
"The Parent:<BR>Children aren't happy without something to ignore,<BR>And that's what parents were created for."
"Too clever is dumb."
"People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it."
"Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for."
"The Germ<BR>A mighty creature is the germ,<BR>Though smaller than a pachyderm.<BR>His customary dwelling place<BR>Is deep within the human race.<BR>His childish pride he often pleases<BR>By giving people strange diseases.<BR>Do you, my poppet, feel infirm?<BR>You probably contain a germ."