Karl Pilkington
34 quotes
Biography
"I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life."
"When I go on holiday and people ask me what I do, I tell them I do some internet stuff and I've done a couple of books and I hope they just leave it at that."
"They keep saying that sea levels are rising an' all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science."
"The problem I have with all this religion stuff is that I can't relate to it. I think most people got into 'cos it gave them something to do on a Sunday, but since all the shops are now open it isn't required as much."
"It's like a pylon. 144px|thumb|right|It's like a pylon."
"If that was on my road the council would be like "Get that down, its a deathtrap!""
"...but it’s all about ‘a gorilla and a fox are walking thru the woods.’ How often does that happen?"
"To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, if you haven't got any kids it's just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn't it?"
"I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about."
"To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don't need any spoiling or looking after."
"And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding."
"I think people would live a bit longer if they didn't know how old they were. Age puts restrictions on things."
"I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff."
"There was some women in a café the other week that I was sat in, and she came up and she sat down with her mate and she was talkin' loudly goin' on about "oh the baby's lovely." They said it's got, er, lovely big eyes, er, really big hands and feet. Now that doesn't sound like a nice baby to me. I felt like sayin' it sounds like a frog. But I thought I don't know her, there's only so much you can say to a stranger. I don't know what kept me from sayin' it."
"A dog has got human eyes."
"I’d heard street food was a big thing here in Mexico but I didn’t think it meant the creatures that lived on the street."
"The cafe was called Tattoos. The fella who owned it didn't have any tattoos... but we never saw his wife."
"How would I know which one I was?"
"I think happiness is a bit like a cake. If you have cake every single day of your life you'll get sick of it. If you're happy everyday, you'll get sick of being happy… That's a good saying actually. Happiness is like a cake. Have too much and you'll get sick of it."
"Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive."
"At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is."
"I don't know what 'famous' is, really."
"The poorer people and criminals of Mexico who are not very religious but not quite atheists, either, worship Saint Death."
"I am into nature and seeing whales. I went whale-watching, and I was really looking forward to that, but when you see it on TV and you see other programs do it, you're seeing close-ups of these massive creatures, and the music that's added gives you a certain feeling."
"I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I'm not great."