Jo Brand
23 quotes
Biography
"I tend to think the world is a bit of a miserable place, so anyone who can add to people's optimistic, cheerful side is doing a good job, which is what I hope I'm doing."
"They say men can never understand the pain of childbirth. Well, they can if you hit them in the testicles with a cricket bat for 14 hours."
"I made a supreme effort not to do that thing that parents do, which is to bore people without children to death by going on and on about how funny their children are, so there's none of that hopefully."
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
"Who do I like? I am a big fan of French and Saunders - not that that they are particularly stand-up I have to say, but I think they have been great for women and they are of themselves just incredibly funny whether they are male or female."
"The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing."
"I made a supreme effort not to do that thing that parents do, which is to bore people without children to death by going on and on about how funny their children are, so there's none of that hopefully."
"I thought I was funny as a kid."
"People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare."
"So, my style has hopefully changed over the years and it is more relaxed, and I do tend to smile and have more than one expression these days hopefully - which I didn't at the beginning."
"There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics it's something to do with the social structure of society."
"The big bad monster wasn't green and hiding under the bed, it wore tasteless floral prints, bright scarlet lipstick and sat in the kitchen smoking and saying 'bollocks' alot."
"My father was an engineer and my mother was a social worker, and they met as young socialists. That probably tells you everything you need to know about my attitude to money - I've never really been bothered about it."
"One thing lots of Christians do have in common is that they can't help coming across as smug. This winds lots of people up, particularly because famous Christians pronounce on the life of the poor from their very lovely affluent homes filled with their very lovely families and attractive pets."
"Having children is fab. They keep me young and make me get up in the morning."
"The comedian sticks as religiously to her theme as a dancer sticks to a diet."
"Everything becomes magnified at night. Sounds travel in a different way, it's dark, and everything seems far more spooky."
"When I got married, the Sun ran the headline: 'Here comes the bride, all fat and wide.' Luckily, it was a few days after the wedding - but it was still hideous to read at a great romantic moment."
"I'm a Luddite with computers, and I'm slightly worried about being hacked as well."
"With two small children, I haven't had a wash since 2001 so the chance to go shopping is way down the list. It is something I do intend to get."
"I used to do bell ringing in Benenden church. It was really good fun, actually. My best friend's dad was the local vicar, and so it was expected as her best friend that I would go to church every Sunday with her."
"My dad's a very sensitive man, but as the archetypal rebellious teenager, I didn't realise that."
"My mum is bright, ambitious, well read, political and very bolshie: when my dad was conscripted into the Army and posted to Libya, she convinced some general to let her go with him. I don't know how she managed it."