"A man who discovers his pants are on fire tends to have very little time to worry about somebody else's box of matches"
"Doakes had a first name! It was Albert - had anyone ever really called him that? Unthinkable. I had assumed his name was Sergeant."
"There are still very few laws against thinking, although I am sure they're working hard on that in Washington."
"I know family comes first, but shouldn't that mean after breakfast?"
"Of course it was a terrible thing, and the world would be a much better place without someone in it who could do that, but did that mean we had to miss lunch?"
"It really is better to be lucky than to be good."
"When faced with people who have very limited conversational skills and no apparent desire to cultivate any it's always easier to simply go along."
"Since I am not actually a real human being, my emotional responses are generally limited to what I have learned to fake."
"I had become a perfect fake human, saying the stupid and pointless things that humans say to each other all day long."
"It's always me, isn't it? I'm not really a very nice person, but for some reason it's always me that they come to with their problems."
"I mean, really: what kind of person could possibly dislike me?"