"It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place."
"For men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in their readiness to doubt."
"The great difficulty about keeping the Ten Commandments is that no man can keep them and be a gentleman."
"The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom."
"Criticism is prejudice made plausible."
"Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood."
"A man always blames the woman who fooled him. In the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark."
"All [zoos] actually offer to the public in return for the taxes spent upon them is a form of idle and witless amusement, compared to which a visit to a penitentiary, or even to a State legislature in session, is informing, stimulating and ennobling."
"If a sense of duty tortures a man, it also enables him to achieve prodigies."
"Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public."
"The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind."
"Time is the great legalizer, even in the field of morals."
"Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking."
"We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart."
"The great artists of the world are never Puritans, and seldom even ordinarily respectable."
"Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends."
"The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule."
"The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear - fear of the unknown, the complex, the inexplicable. What he wants beyond everything else is safety."
"Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too."
"Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy."
"Love is the mistaken belief that one woman differs from another."
"A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin."
"We are here and it is now. Further than that all human knowledge is moonshine."
"There's no underestimating the intelligence of the American public."
"A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground."