Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

"If you do not forgive, you are demanding something your offender does not choose to give, even if it is only confession of what he did. This "ties" him to you and ruins boundaries. Let the dysfunctional family you came from go. Cut it loose, and you will be free."

Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

"It's important to understand that your no is always subject to you. You own your boundaries. They don't own you. If you set limits with someone, and she responds maturely and lovingly, you can renegotiate the boundary. In addition, you can change the boundary if you are in a safer place."

Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

"To forgive someone means to let him off the hook, or to cancel a debt he owes you. When you refuse to forgive someone, you still want something from that person, and even if it is revenge you want, it keeps you tied to him forever."

Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

"People who own their lives do not feel guilty when they make choices about where they are going. They take other people into consideration, but when they make choices for the wishes of others, they are choosing out of love, not guilt; to advance a good, not to avoid a bad."

Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

"Even with the desire for a better life, we can be reluctant to do the work of boundaries because it will be a war. The battle falls into two categories: outside resistance we get from others and the resistance we get from ourselves."

Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

"If you have never questioned set boundaries, or experienced conflict with your family members, you may not have an adult-to-adult connection with your family. If you have no other “best friends” than your family, you need to take a close look at those relationships. You may be afraid of becoming an autonomous adult."

Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

"Boundaries help us to distinguish our property so that we can take care of it. They help us to "guard our heart with all diligence." We need to keep things that will nurture us inside our fences and keep things that will harm us outside."

Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life