"Remember men you are fighting for the ladies honour, which is probably more than she ever did."
"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."
"We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week."
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing..if you can fake that, you've got it made."
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
"To Margret Dumont: "I can see you and I married. I can see you bending over the stove. I can't see the stove!"
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
"I sent the club a wire stating, Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member."
"She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."
"How do you feel about women's rights ? I like either side of them."
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."
"I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin."
"Marriage is the chief cause of divorce."
"A child of five would understand this. Send somebody to fetch a child of five."
"Last night I shot an elephant in my Pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I'll never know."
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies."
"Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does."
"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."
"Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!"
"Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped."
"Now there sits a man with an open mind. You can feel the draft from here."