George Burns
35 quotes
Biography
George Burns was an American comedian, actor, writer, and singer, and one of the few entertainers whose career successfully spanned vaudeville, radio, film, and television. His arched eyebrow and cigar-smoke punctuation became familiar trademarks.
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair."
"When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick."
"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."
"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible."
"Money is the root of all evil.' Then we hear, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.' What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, 'A wise man and his money are soon parted'? And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools who have a lot of money, but they won't tell me how they got it, and I won't tell them."
"I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I hate."
"When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile."
"I've had worried parents come up to me and ask me for advice. They'll say "I don't know what to do. My teenage son won't cut his hair, he drives too fast, and I don't know what that stuff is he listens to, but it sure isn't music." I'll just say to them "I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. By the time he's my age, I don't think you'll need to worry about him anymore.""
"If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it."
"At my age, all my friends, doctors, and attorneys are dead. The good thing about this is that there's no one left who can refute my stories."
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
"At my age flowers scare me."
"I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something."
"I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill."
"I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere."
"I spent a year in that town, one Sunday."
"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples."
"I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life."
"Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman it depends on how much happiness you can handle."
"Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman it depends on how much happiness you can handle."
"I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money."
"Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up."
"I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate."
"I stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get."