"When a man wants to murder a tiger, it's called sport; when the tiger wants to murder him it's called ferocity."
"The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech."
"Nothing is worth doing unless the consequences may be serious."
"This is the true joy in life -- being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one..."
"Virtue is insufficient temptation."
"Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn."
"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
"There is no sincerer love than the love of food."
"There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem."
"The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time."
"The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted."
"Few people think more than two or three times a year. I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week."
"When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth."
"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty."
"Life is not meant to be easy, my child; but take courage -- it can be delightful."
"When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part."
"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid."
"It is necessary for the welfare of society that genius should be privileged to utter sedition, to blaspheme, to outrage good taste, to corrupt the youthful mind, and generally to scandalize one's uncles."
"The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it."
"Crude classifications and false generalizations are the curse of organized life."
"Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve."
"There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it."
"The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and , if they can't find them, make them."
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."
"All censorships exist to prevent any one from challenging current conceptions and existing institutions. All progress is initiated by challenging current conceptions, and executed by supplanting existing institutions. Consequently the first condition of progress is the removal of censorships."