Eoin Colfer
41 quotes
Biography
"Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know."
"It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget."
"If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away."
"Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building."
"No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world."
"Hey, look—your girlfriend is saying something."Artemis had a vast mental reserve of scathing comebacks at his disposal, but none of them covered girlfriend insults. He wasn't even sure if it was an insult. And if it was, who was being insulted? Him or the girl?"
"Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder"
"Who are you?"he asked.I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as Aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming, and so on."
"I don't like lollipops."
"We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon."
"That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy."Pex was unrepentant. "Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us ... all those things."But---buried alive! That's like in that horror movie. Y'know -- the one with all the horror."I think I saw that one. With all the words going up on the screen at the end?"Yeah, that was it. Tell you the truth, those words kinda ruined it for me."
"Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa,"intoned Opal, finishing her chant. "Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I may feed him his organs."
"Look!"said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!"
"A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old."
"I bet,"said Mulch, "that you would set the world on fire just to watch it burn."Opal tapped the suggestion into a small electronic notepad on her pocket computer.Thanks for that. Now, tell me everything."
"I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal."
"Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over"
"What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?"
"Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't."
"I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?"
"Orion brightened. "I have an idea.""Yes?"said Foaly, daring to hope that a spark of Artemis remained."Why don't we look for some magic stones that can grant wishes? Or, if that doesn't work, you could search my naked body for some mysterious birthmark that means I am actually the prince of somewhere or other."
"Artemis: "Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre."Myles: "In Paris."Artemis: "Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot attract the waiter's attention. What do you do?"Beckett: "Umm...tell Butler to jump-jump-jump on his head?"Myles: "I agree with simple-toon."Artemis: "No! You simply raise one finger and say clearly 'ici, garcon.'"Beckett: "Itchy what?"
"I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?"
"Me,"Artemis blurted. "I'm the nut."Artemis could have sworn the squid winked at him before bringing the five-ton chunk of spacecraft swinging down toward the morsel of meat in its blue shell."I'm the nut!"Artemis shouted again, a little hysterically, it must be said."
"Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?"