"Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible."
"Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties."
"Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks."
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
"A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience."
"Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three -- and paradise is when you have none."
"Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible."
"The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools."
"Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days."
"A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience."
"The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball."
"Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three - and paradise is when you have none."
"Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it."
"If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend."
"If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles."
"Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk."
"Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog."
"The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it."
"There are worse things than getting a call for the wrong number at 4 AM. It could be the right number."
"Autumn is a season followed immediately by looking forward to spring."
"Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it."
"Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties."
"Autumn is a season followed immediately by looking forward to spring."
"People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30 year mortgage."
"An optimist thinks this is the best of all worlds. A pessimist fears the same may be true."