Daniel Handler

"The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it turns up."

Daniel Handler

"Everything else has vanished, so you take them now. Maybe if you're the one keeping them, I'll be the one feeling better."

Daniel Handler

"For Beatrice--When we were together I felt breathless. Now, you are.-Lemony Snicket"

Daniel Handler

"I didn't realize this was a sad occasion. — The waiter at The Anxious Clown Restaurant"

Daniel Handler

"People aren't either wicked or noble," the hook-handed man said. They're like chef's salad, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict."

Daniel Handler

"Lemony Snicket: (narrating) But the three siblings were not born yesterday. Violet was born more than fifteen years before this particular Wednesday, and Klaus was born approximately two years after that, and even Sunny, who had just passed out of babyhood, was not born yesterday. Neither were you, unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life."

Daniel Handler

"I will love you no matter how many mistakes I make when trying to reduce fractions, and no matter how difficult it is to memorize the periodic table."

Daniel Handler

"I will love you as the manatee loves the head of lettuce and as the dark spot loves the leopard, as the leech loves the ankle of a wader and as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture."

Daniel Handler

"I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms."

Daniel Handler

"Love was in the air so both of us walked through love on our way to the corner."

Daniel Handler

"The world gets grimy and the love object is in stark relief from its surroundings. This is love, a pretty thing on an ugly street and why wouldn't you pick it up if it appeared in a taxi cab."

Daniel Handler

"I'm frightened by your behaviour. I woke up this morning and you said good morning and i said good morning, what do you feel like doing today, and you said well i sort of have to do this thing, and i said what thing and you said go to the reading of my father's will, and I said what are you talking about and then you told me that your dad had died. THIS MORNING."

Daniel Handler

"If i were a little braver i would have asked her something like, "Do you think Kickass: the movie is a comedy in the traditional, classical sense?" and we could have that conversation and it would lead to other conversations during the flat and lonely times."

Daniel Handler

"Standing ten feet away from Lila was sort of kickass with her nails drumming on the box with the slot in, where we put everything that we rip in half, and with her blue-eyed beauty and with the gum she was chewing and how lovely she was, in that way that makes you want to find something else lovely just so you can give it to her and see how really kickass it is to have to lovely things next to each other."

Daniel Handler

"Keith has one of those all terrain things that will come in so handy when the world ends and we need a nine-thousand -cylinder engine to drive over those hordes of blood-thirsty mutants crawling all over the video-game landscape."

Daniel Handler

"This world is suchier than we are, and the best thing to do is keep moving and find your keys."

Daniel Handler

"Money money money money money money money money money. Let no one say it has no place in a love story. It has a particular place. It is something on the right shelf."

Daniel Handler

"This is love, moving to where the money is, and all the while a volcano or an ex-girlfriend might blow the whole thing to hell, as the Americans say. As everybody says."

Daniel Handler

"… the point is, why is there cruelty? Why do people ask other people to do impossible things? why behave this way? why is there mean, when there are better things than mean, love particularly?"

Daniel Handler

"It's always dawnest before dark"

Daniel Handler

"I'm full of hard times today"

Daniel Handler

"The right boys I always toss and the wrong ones I keep on top of me like paperweights."

Daniel Handler

"What a bad day it was, the clouds were low and cloudy, the rain no fun, and the dark as it hit the late afternoon thick like someone who stops by your place and just won't leave. The day was canceled, almost, on account of the rain spilling itself over everything."

Daniel Handler

"This was that day if you know what I mean."

Daniel Handler

"It was a bad day for love."

Daniel Handler