"Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional."
"Don't bite off more than you can chew because nobody looks attractive spitting it back out."
"The moment you stop trying to become a better person, is the moment you start to become worse than what you already are."
"Know who you are, and be it. Know what you want, and go out and get it!"
"I never fail. It's just that the people around me succeed more than I."
"Nothing is as it seems, but something is everything it is made out to be."
"I strive for perfection - I settle for satisfaction"
"Believe in the wonderment of life, the magic of love, and the reality of death."
"A sin is nothing more than regret. Not for doing it once, but doing it again when you know you’re going to regret it."
"Listen."Jennifer reverted, "I didn't mean anything by all of that before. I understand what you were trying to do and ..."She struggled for the right words. "Sweetie, like love, people don't live inside of life, life lives inside of you. Open yourself up to it and there's no stopping your heart."
"Intelligence is being intelligent enough to know you're not so intelligent as you intelligently once thought."
"The only thing standing between you and your dreams is ... reluctance."
"Love should feel like a hand sewn quilt made by grandma, wrapping you up on a cold winter morning."
"He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke."
"One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up."
"Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick."
"What goes up must come down. Which is why we invented Viagra, to make it stay up a little longer."
"All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it."
"How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?"
"When it comes to being famous, you’re usually the last to know, and the first to deny it. Unless you were already famous in your head. In which case, party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!"
"I don't like to give up on people when they need someone not to give up on them."
"Cool people are only cool for the first thirty minutes of knowing them. After that, they just become annoying."
"I saw America's economy last night, people raiding dumpsters at a higher rate than normal in my home town. Digging through garbage shouldn't be a career. Thanks Democrats. Thanks Republicans."
"If you want to dance the dance then you better learn the steps, the world has enough pretenders. If you want to practice sex then you better find a partner, and to love you must surrender."
"No matter how many plans you make or how much in control you are, life is always winging it."