Ambrose Bierce
296 quotes
Biography
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce was an American author, journalist, and poet. A prolific and versatile writer, Bierce was regarded as one of the most influential journalists in the United States and as a pioneering writer of realist fiction.
"Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out."
"Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows."
"Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic."
"Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success."
"Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of."
"Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding."
"Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage."
"Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another."
"Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art."
"Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable."
"Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly."
"Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others."
"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher."
"Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy."
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
"Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based."
"Redemption, n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned. The doctrine of Redemption is the fundamental mystery of our holy religions, and whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have everlasting life in which to try to understand it."
"In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office."
"Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding."
"Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is.Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work."
"HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There arefour kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, andpraiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slainwhether he fell by one kind or another -- the classification is foradvantage of the lawyers."
"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."
"Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion."
"Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable."
"NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi."