Agent j Quotes
23 quotes
"Jeff, excuse my partner. He's new and he's... [Jeff attacks T]...kinda stupid."
"[to Jeff] Sweet dreams, big boy!"
"Transit Authority, people! We need to move to the forward car, there's a bug in the electrical system. [passengers ignore him] Yo! People! We got a bug in the electrical system!"
"[after Frank the Pug suggests the "good cop, bad cop thing"] How about we do the good cop, dumb dog thing, and you just shut up?"
"Jeff, I am so not in the mood for you! Get back in the subway! Right now!"
"About to lay the smack-down on your candy ass! (In homage to The Rock)"
"Yeah, every Saturday night you'd be like, "Flush me J., Flush me." and I'd be like, "Naw.""
"[After the Worms accidentally shut down the MIB headquarters upon him and K taking it back] WORMS!!"
"[After neuralizing Newton and Hailey] Okay, first, get some contact lenses, ‘cause joints look like they can pick up cable. Second, take her to Cambodia. Get her a lobster dinner. Pay more than a dollar. Third, the second y'all get back from Cambodia... move your bum ass out of your mom's house. Boy, you like forty years old."
"[After K calls for him to leave, to Newton and Hailey] Oh, and there ain't no such thing as aliens or Men in Black."
"[after seeing the Grand Central Station Locker Creatures’ ”large adult entertainment section”] That's just nasty."
"Man, tell it to the hand."
"So what's it like on the outside? Not doin’ this every day?"
"Okay! You know how you're on a airplane and the flight attendant asks you to turn your cell-phone off. And you're like, I ain't turning my cell-phone off, that don't have nothing to do with no damn airplane. Well, [Showing the crowd a crashed spaceship] this is what we get, that's what happens. It gets up there, bounces around on the satellites, then blam! Just turn your damn cell-phone off. Now you're gonna drive off a cliff tonight because your GPS don't work."
"[talking to K at Wu’s restaurant] Man, I am getting too old for this. I can only imagine how you feel."
"[looking at an ugly alien fish] Ooh, man, you look like you come from the planet... Damn."
"May I have your attention please... [Neuralyzes a crowd] Okay. You know how your kid won the goldfish in that little baggy from the school fair, but you didn't want that nasty thing in your house so you told your kid it ran away but what you really did was flush it down the toilet? Well, this what happens. [Points to an alien fish being towed away] Okay, see what I'm talking about? Don't lie to your kids!"
"No, I call ladies "O." To me O is feminine, K is masculine. Y'know, I see a couple, I'm like... OK."
"First of all, my name is J. Okay? It's not Son, it's not Slick, and it damn sure ain't no Cochise."
"[from trailer, talking to Marco, a graffiti alien, and a graffiti artist] Crazy, right? Two grown men, talking to the wall, wall talking back, it's a mess. But hey. Don't even worry about it."
"[Upon seeing K’s car destroyed by Boris’ motorcycle after Boris captured Griffin] Damn it!"
"[To Boris] 'You might wanna get a pedicure if you get a second.'"
"[After seeing 1969 K shoot 1969 Boris] Where there's death, there will always be death."