“You can count on him. He'll always let you down.”

John Cooper Clarke

“Do not go mental, and with that, goodnight.”

John Cooper Clarke

“Not only do I not have a mobile 'phone, I haven't got a computer. I don't employ any artificial intelligence of any kind. People say to me, "Oh, you should have a computer, they can do this...." I say...”

John Cooper Clarke

“Never leave a bookies with a smile on your face.”

John Cooper Clarke

“It was quite a tough school. Put it this way, we had our own coroner.”

John Cooper Clarke